It's hard and it is sad.
When someone you love is sick, and you know they won't get better.
I don't really know what to say except for help. I don't know why I chose that
word, but I'm having a difficult time with this all, and I know that I
shouldn't be complaining because it is my mom who is going through the worst.
I sat in my room and cried. I prayed to God to let Cynthia be in peace, because she is
in pain. I don't feel like he is listening, but somewhere deep down I know he is. I don't understand why God even put my aunt down here if she was only going to die. What was her purpose in life? It makes me feel angry at God, and I know I shouldn't be, because I know that when I go to Heaven he will explain everything to me. My mom told my aunt that up in Heaven there is probably a dance floor, so she can move around and show everyone her moves. Cynthia smiled. Just before I left her room I kissed her on the forehead and whispered softly in her ear
"I love you." It's hard, because I love her so much, and I don't want her to go. But there is really no need to say goodbye, I'll see her again.
4 comments:
Aw, Ashlee that is so sad about your aunt. What a hard time for you and your family. I don't really have anything to say that would help except that we're praying for you guys! Love ya!
Thanks for sharing about that Ashlee - it feels like sort of an honor when somebody shares the bad stuff as well as the good stuff.
I don't know why all of this happened either, but I do know that one beautiful reason for Cynthia's life is Rachel. And another reason is the laughter she brought to me and lots of other people in high school when often times we needed a laugh. And Cynthia has always had this really strong sense of herself that I've always admired. Like she doesn't back down when she feels something is right or wrong. Some people call that stubborn, ha, but I'd like to be more like that - strong like that.
Anyway, I think one thing that comes out of pain is that it's an opportunity for people to draw together. So keep reaching out to whoever you feel safe with, and we'll keep hugging you with prayers and love. You said it really well, that you'll see her again - we all will. Love you!!
Ashlee,
I'm so sorry for everything you've been going through. I know how much you love your aunt. I know she's a wonderful woman. And i know she'll have the time of her life in heaven. Your mom's right. She'll be able to do so much in Heaven. And she'll be right there with God.
Praying for you, I hope everything is okay. Wish i could be there to give you a real hug, but for now, Imagine me giving you one.
Love you so much,
You are a wonderful writer,
Kara
Ashlee--- I am here for you always! I can't even begin to understand the pain and sadness you must be feeling. But I can tell you that I love you and will pray for you, your mom, your aunt, and whole family. I appreciate that you put your thoughts on your blog. I can't tell you the reason why stuff happens, only that God knows. It is all about trusting Him...easier said than done though. You are such a talented, fun, amazing young woman! If you ever need to talk remember that I am here!
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